Spring Break Thoughts

I have had a lot of time on my hands this week for thinking. I came home instead of going on the mission trip to Nashville like I had planned to help my family.  Well God certainly used this alone time for good. I talked about in my last blog post that I have been hiding from God recently.  Well I came to a breaking point where I just sat and cried and prayed. I needed my Heavenly Father to hold me and comfort me, because in my weak and failed attempts I had tried to find fulfillment elsewhere.  I am terrified of moving to Atlanta. I am terribly excited as well though.  I love the amazing things I am going to be learning and experiencing, but I am also scared to start over and leave the comfort of my amazing family and friends behind.  I finally dealt with this fear and just let myself be freaked out for a little while.  It wasn't easy and I am not saying that I won't be scared again, but letting myself deal with my fear was so helpful.

I talked about my feelings of unworthiness and striving for perfection in my last blog.  I still deal with that and because I do I tend to make other people's problems and moods my fault.  Not saying that I am not a sinner and do things that are not right, because I completely do.  I say things before I think a lot that can or do hurt people, I am an emotional eater, I gossip, I am not always respectful of my parents, and I am a procrastinator.  These are to just name a few of my fault and sins.  This week I had to pray and tell myself that I am not always at fault because someone else is upset and it is not my duty to fix that.  I cannot fix everyone. Only Christ can do that. I tend to want to help heal and counsel and it's not always healthy or best for me to be in that situation.  I will continue to pray for whatever situations I can, but there is always a time when that person has to want to be healed.  They need to want to surrender and become what God intends for them.  I am totally in that surrender process myself.  I am so grateful for the amazing friends I do have that are just as much there for me as I am for them which is how friendship should be. I'm not sure if any of this made sense, but I do know that writing how God is working in my heart and life makes me feel accomplished in a sense.