Come what may.

Some days I feel like every lovesick girl just waiting for my knight in shining armor or something of the sort. I watch movies and day dream about my future spouse as stereotypical as that sounds. And I know its normal to want romance.  To want flowers and all that mushiness that I pretend is stupid but in the end I still think its sweet and to be loved as I deserve, (judge me if you will) but I have come to the unpleasant conclusion that it is highly possible that I want all of these things to cover up my lack of contentment in Christ.  As I get older I think that I want the fairy tale more than I did before.  I mean is it really something that I am guaranteed or God is required to give me. As much as I hate to admit it......it's really not.  Having just graduated college and now really facing life solo I have to depend on God more than ever.  I know that I should have been totally dependent on Him all along but I am human and now its is really just me and Jesus.  I have no husband, boyfriend, or fiancee to depend on.  In the past I can see that I had used a relationship as a crutch.  I lost sight of my true Sustainer.  Part of that was my fault and part of it was the boy's fault, but that doesn't really matter. The thing that matters is that I learned a lesson in all of that mess.  Being truly dependent on Jesus is so important while I am in this season of singleness.  If or when I do enter another relationship this dependence on Him will be such a blessing.  This process will be lonely and will be sometimes terrible as I die to myself.  I will want useless attention to satisfy my flesh and I will probably fail, but I will press on towards the goal.  I want to desire Jesus as much as I desire a relationship and family.  I need to desire Jesus more than that. My prayer is that my contentment will truly be in Christ and His unending and unconditional love.