The Southern Girl's Guide to Dating

Dating. Throwing that word around is like a boomerang except it brings a whole cartload of connotations and issues back along with it.  If you mention dating around a group of girls its almost like taking the pin out of a grenade.  The blast is always unique and the damage can not be foreseen before the blast. You never know what is coming.  The reactions can range from someone who just got out of a bitter breakup and all men are the scum of the earth who are out to rip your heart out (this is putting it in nice terms). We will call her Carrie. The girl who is super boy crazy and immediately wants to explain all of her "encounters" with boys (by encounters I mean glances in the hallway, borrowing of pencil in class, brief eye contact etc.) that of course means that these boys will ask her out in the immediate future and they will live happily ever after. We will call her PG Samantha. There is the girl who is very independent and views dating as a possible waste of time when she could be saving the dolphins or doing her taxes or possibly both simultaneously. She really craves attention and a relationship but she hides it under a facade of bitter comments and secret Cosmo subscriptions.She shall be a nicer Miranda.  Lastly there is the girl who always sees the bright side of EVERYTHING.  No matter what the situation or the heartbreak someone will always be happy, dancing with cotton candy and rainbows and be in love in her mind.  She is in essence a Charlotte.

A theme that comes up frequently in circles of southern single women when they gather is the issue of men not making the move to ask them out.  Why do we waste so.much.time. mulling over what it meant when he bumped into me in the lunch line, the time he opened the door for me or the intriguing time he possibly winked at me (it could have been an eye twitch but we are going to always go with that it was a wink. I repeat always.)?  After doing some research (by research I mean polling some of my friends who are from Southern culture via text message.  Super professional and accurate.) I discovered a trend that correlates only boys asking girls on dates and rarely are girls to ask the boy out.  If the girl does ask the boy out it can be perceived as okay (that is if it ever happens. Most of my friends could not name a situation where the girl had asked out the boy) or can turn negative in that the girl is seen as pushy, or other not nice words.  When I asked my friends who were removed from Southern culture in their upbringing about this they were confused as to what I meant.  They knew of no such gender boundary in dating.  I find this completely fascinating.  In my mind I view myself as an equal to men.  I value my opinion, well being and place in society as valuable as a man's.  Yet in my mind there is this barrier when it comes to issues of the heart.  It is second nature to always wait for the man to make the first move, and for my strict adherence to the game of coy nativity.  I am obviously being dramatic because I am pretty bad at acting coy.  Hey. We can't all be perfect.  Getting back to the topic at hand.  Is this my embedded dating theology? Is this what I really believe?  Or is this just my southern upbringing where girls are to act a certain way and boys another?  I do enjoy chivalry and a good gentleman, but does that mean I should always wait around or is that too forward?  I am perplexed with the disagreement in my mind between what is rational and what is culturally acceptable.  I definitely don't have the answers to this but instead am just putting my thoughts out there.  I know that other Southern girls like me somewhere must be thinking some of the same things. I surely am not that original.  If you are reading this and you have thought the same perplexing thoughts or have a positive comment then lets hear it.